I've just completed my first week of massage therapy school.

In typical fashion, I asked a million questions in my information gathering phase, spent time with the idea, and then made the leap.

When I was a little girl, sometimes instead of doing my homework I'd get a burst of inspiration and have to get those ideas down on paper. One day, I drafted up the services that I would offer at the hub of my wellness empire.

Massage therapy was at the heart of it. I was in pain, and I knew I wanted to help offer some relief from the pain for myself and others.

Fast forward about 20 years, and I find myself here. Diving into the sources of ancient and modern wisdom, looking for answers in Asheville, NC.

Thankfully, I'm on a path I love, and have been gifted with great teachers. As I wrestle with the content of my lessons, and become aware of my own habits, patterns, and their impacts, I also find openings.

One such opening is that connection requires vulnerability. Being aware of, and integrating the whole self requires vulnerability. Because we are people. We aren't perfect. WE ARE ALIVE.

That means there are things we won't be able to control... and shouldn't aim to.

• Control our actions - YES - That's accountability
• Learn to control our minds - YES - That's yoga
• Selectively control what feelings we allow ourselves to feel - NO - that's numbness (trust me, I've been there)

We cannot selectively reject and numb shame, anger, fear, and sadness or any of the unsavory "lows" without also giving up the "highs" like happiness, joy, fulfillment, gratitutide, acceptance. They are two sides of the same coin.

Then we feel empty and go looking for purpose elsewhere... and end up with escapism via addiction to substances or behaviors... and this includes and obsession with certainty... and the expense of the nuance and subtleties that offer so much meaning.

We can't be compassionate to others without first being compassionate with ourselves.

We can't be vessels to promote the self-healing of others without first being open to the paths of self-healing for ourselves.

To love with our whole hearts, without any gaurantee. To be ALIVE...All of this is very vulnerable stuff.

At the core of this all is to heal the core belief that "I AM ENOUGH"

Faith, and grace, and compassion help a lot here.

Like Brene Brown says in the video linked above, vulnerability is what makes us our beautiful selves.